I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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