can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they're like a gay fantastic four
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
