Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
