Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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