I am puke
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
