Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
