Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
