I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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