Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
