so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
