you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
