Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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