I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
