She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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