I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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