I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
