why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
