hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
