Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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