i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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