Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
