i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
