.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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