Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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