how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
