my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
