More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
