it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
