pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
