walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
