I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
