I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why do cheetos always look like penises
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
