what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
