Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
