I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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