My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
