dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
