i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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