i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
