I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
