I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Everclear isn't food dammit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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