i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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