When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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