i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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