then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
