she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
