i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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