Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
