Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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