I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
