guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
