The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
